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I needed that.

June 14, 2012

{1 Corinthians 1:25, Philippians 4:6-8}

-For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

-Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I’m moving to Bakersfield in order to…

Be closer to the man I love

Finish my degree in English 

Live on my own, in a sense

These are all exciting things, but they come with a complementary and healthy dose of nerves. I’d equate the feelings I’m experiencing during this transition to that moment right before you jump off a cliff into water; nerve racking and thrilling all wrapped into one. Surely adventure awaits during the fall and after the plunge, but it’s the unknown of what COULD happen that terrifies the diver and me alike.

Right. So I’m a girl, of the female species, which means I have a great talent for making something out of nothing; a talent for exhausting every viable option of “what if” rather than focusing on the current situation. I have a remarkable ability to take something lovely and find the negative. It’s downright exhausting preparing for the worst and contemplating the horrible. I am so busy worrying about the possible outcomes that I miss out on enjoying what’s actually going on. It saddens me because I don’t want to live life like that.

I’ve been feeling the surmounting pressure of life’s transitions more and more lately and I feel like at any moment I’m going to crack. Skip to Sunday at church. Josh begins teaching. I’m basically a zombie (thank you crazy workday the day before), that is until Josh asks, “Is God working in your life?” “Are you at a crossroads in life? Ready to make a change and take a plunge?” Interesting you ask, Josh. Yes, I am at an intersection in life. I do feel like I’m about to jump off a cliff and plunge into a whole new world (insert Aladdin song here). Do I feel a little in over my head? Yes. Is that bad? I don’t think so. I know change isn’t easy, it’s actually a tad uncomfortable. Is it necessary for growth? Absolutely.

Now mix the second and third paragraphs together and you get me, a crazed twenty something, over-thinking in general, but now more specifically about these new changes coming my way. What if this? How about that? Will I do well in higher education after my training wheels have been taken off from community college? Do I really like English as my degree? Can I afford groceries, gas, and bills in general? Will my day to day presence in Bakersfield annoy Allan? Does he really love me? (I know once he reads this he will roll his eyes ha ha) Conclusion: My life is over and nothing is going to work out. These are my thoughts before I even get out of bed. Yeah I’m a touch spastic you could say.

During Josh’s sermon, at the moment he asks me if God is working in my life, he references 1 Corinthians 1:25. I turn to the page and see it underlined, circled, with notes scribbled on the side. “My verse during school”, it says. Funny. I pick up my pen and paper and begin writing like a mad woman. I begin writing at the speed of light in order to keep up with my thoughts and the things God is evidently showing me through Josh and scripture. It’s as if God is saying, “DO IT! Go to school, move out, be closer to the man you love. I know you’re scared, but don’t worry, I’ve got you.” A wave of relief comes over me and I may have even gotten teary eyed. I take this sermon and make it my own, I begin leafing through my journal and stumble upon a previous sermon of Josh’s where I was also being encouraged in my pursuits of moving.

Finally at the end of church I turn around to find John and Stephanie Jacobson right beside me. We begin chatting. Third encouragement of the day, their story is basically mine. She moved up there after ten months of dating John, and they lived happily ever after (long story short).

I know I’ve written far more than what you’ve intended to read, but in doing so this post has become a sort of Ebenezer stone, a stone of remembrance (1 Sam. 7:12, Jos. 4), something I can reference to know that God is faithful and will continue to be in the future. It’s part of my poema (Eph. 2:10) in which God is writing about my life; part of his workmanship and masterpiece for and about me. Simply put this rambling post helps me to sort out my thoughts in written form so that I’m able to see God’s working. It was much needed.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 14, 2012 11:35 pm

    You are such a gifted writer! I love your process of sorting out life, thinking, over thinking and then coming to the end if yourself and the beginning of the plan He has for your life! So excited for you and your big move, I pray the Lord would guide and protect your every step! Lots of love, Katy 🙂

    • June 15, 2012 5:57 am

      Holy Moly Katy, such compliments. Thank you! It makes me happy that you’re just as excited for me to move. I love that. Thanks for your prayers lady, I need all I can get! Love you Katy!

  2. June 15, 2012 10:58 pm

    You know, I know you know, that God works on us always until he completes it, Each day that I remember that I am here to serve Him, my life and my days get better, The days I don’t remember Him and concentrate on myself are usually a waste. My life has gotten better each year,, less bad days , more good. It is because I have made those choices and the changes that God has put in my life to make me happy. He knows us and he loves us. He wants us to be happy. Connie was pregnant , jessica and Jd were 4 and 5 when we packed everything to move across country with no job. I am so proud of you for following the Lord and at the same time doing what makes you happy. That is what he wants for our lives. I love you………… your friend,bobby 🙂

    • June 22, 2012 2:12 am

      Amen dad. Love you Kat and all your craziness!

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